to FART or not to FART

admit it.. u and i have gas and we DO need to fart.

question is, do we do it out loud in public or silently at the corner or just hold in in and get shitty ideas popping outta ur head?

some do it on land

some underwater

some to irritate family and friends

some even get inspired and even write a book about it

in my opinion, if u wanna fart just do it..

not in an enclosed room full of ppl that will stare u with accusing eyes or in front of ur dashing date

not during an interview or during an important ceremony like baptism or marriage,

certainly not in an air con room or dressing room whereby u might kill the ppl near u..

do ur farting as FAR AS POSSIBLE from the human nose and if things get leaked out dont admit like a damn fool or accuse others of it, just ACT INNOCENT and when ppl ask say HUH? what happened?

before i end: here are a few fart jokes:

 2 Blokes (Japanese and American) are playing golf. The Japanese guy is getting ready to tee off and suddenly starts talking to his thumb.

American bloke says: "What you doin?"

"Oh, don't worry, with Microtechnology I have a Microphone in my thumb. I was just recording a message."

The 2 men carry on golfing, but all of a sudden the American man makes a funny sound, that amazingly sounds like a fart. The Japanese man looks over at him. 'Oh,' says the American. "Don't worry, I'm just receiving a fax."

You know, one time I farted so badly that I had to spend 15 years in jail....for air pollution.

Why do farts stink? So that deaf people can enjoy them also!

WHEN YOU SHOULD NEVER FART:
1. Inside a crowded Lift.
2. Inside a public library.
3. On a crowded train.
4. Whilst giving a speech.
5. In Church.
6. Whilst on a date.
7. In a packed lecture theatre.
8. In your office.
9. At a cinema.
10. In a walk-in freezer - it'll linger a while
11. In a ticket line.
13. On an airplane.
14. During confession
15. In the bed, whilst feeling frisky.
16. In bed when you're feeling frisky
17. While fighting fire in a burning building
19. In a patrol car for a minor violation

WHEN TO FART:
1. Bosses office as you are about to leave. - best to make sure it's silent but violent.
2. In a bathroom.
3. In the cashiers line - it's bound to speed things up.
4. The empty elevator before you get off.
5. Beside an occupied dressing room - no doubt it'll quickly become unnocupied.
6. Your co-workers cubicle at the office.
7. When deep sea diving.
8. Back seat of the Police Mobile after being arrested.
9. In your car if you've been carjacked.
10. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors.

Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they'll stop laughing.

moral lesson: FART ALL U WANT, LOUD OR SOFT, ODOURLESS OR PUNGENT. BE MY GUEST OF HONOUR. DO IT SMARTLY. DO IT DISCRETLY ;)

and this is the best advice u ever gonna get from SUPER SANDRA!!

(p/s- i just spent 5 hours sitting on a bench in gurney eating waffles and drinking light coke enjoying the aircon in gurney. what a waste of time but i feel so relaxed not having to talk or think of anything. best cheapest holiday for myself. ;)