A letter to him

Hi A,

i wonder how your doing down south

its been 7 years since we last met face to face.

you and i have gone our different paths since then.

i know u still resent me to the core until today for what i did many years ago but i'm so sorry and i wish i could turn time and make everything better.

i thought i had forgotten u after so much happening in my life ; uni and family and frens

but its weird when i'm back home and all alone i have time to reminisce about the past.

i dont know its a good thing or bad but recently you've been reappearing in my dreams talking/ saying something i can never seem to understand.

sometimes i look back at the letters you wrote or rethink the adventures we had and i sigh to myself, why think about the past if its gonna make me all emo mushy messy?

the worst thing is that i admired u from afar for 6 good years before i had the guts to tell you how i feel..

it started in standard 3 i guess and i watched you grow from a chubby stubby boy into a handsome lanky lass.

the day u told me you liked me back was the day i tot a fairytale had started

i never expected that after so many years of longing and heartache from afar

thank you for the 2 years of happiness and tears when i was 15 and 16.

its such a waste it all had to end.

time has not been kind unto us i guess

we changed into different people with different directions.

it was good when we were younger and knew less and doubted less and loved more.

i do miss you.
the smell of your breath, your distinctive scent, warm arms and the sense of security when i'm with u..

i dont know whether its right to miss u since i'm in a relationship with someone else.

its so confusing just like in high school but i've past that stage. why am i still behaving like this?

recently i went home to clean up the old house, i opened my room and so naturally the flashback came, so vividly like it was only yesterday

the one memory i will never forget is the night we fought and i was crying and you did something really silly and sweet

you climbed up from the neighbour's kitchen and balanced ur life on some unstable wood to climb to my window on the 2nd floor!

i also knew that the next day u had a test in school or somesort, u stayed until i slept on my bed and u kept on talking.

there were plenty of mosquitoes and the coldness was uncomfortable but u didnt complain. u stood there for hours holding my hand and saying sweet nothings.

for a 15 year old that was a fairytale...

i know it would be a long long time before u would want to see me or forgive me,

thank you for allowing me to grow up and be a better person,

thank you for all the letters, cycling trips, secret calls, after sch bus rides, funny jokes, and how u saved so hard to take us to the movies.

it was all wonderful, it was estacy being young and in love.
 you were wonderful but you stole a piece of my heart and never gave it back..
and i'm left with this dull ache like an amputated limb, its no longer there but the pain is.

u gave me reason to wake up and go to school, to get past the hardest rebellion emo teenage years..
(i'm getting teary while writing like an idiot i dunno why)

i wish you all happiness in your current & future life and i really hope to patch up that hole in my heart soon...