Hairdryer sockets.

Hi dear readers.

1. I spoke to him yesterday (miracle he had time to listen to me) and he said something that made me think the entire night through. 

Is this clowning thing what i want in life? Why not try another job with better prospects? why waste my life drifting like this being unhappy ?Why not give my ex bf a second chance, ask myself how much i still love him to be tolerant..Why be so kind to other people? (he meant it in a nice way for my good) he shared many other life experience of his own that triggered my head to keep on thinking of the future. to not be sitting in my comfort bubble n rot there.

2. I spoke to Mom this morning n she said "if everything in penang is making u unhappy. pack ur bags n come home. leave the past there n start new life in Sban". Clowning n shopping n eating is temporary happiness thats why u go back into depression at night cause these are worldly things. think about eternal life n Godly things that last thru moth n stand the trials of time. after her sharing so many other things on life partner choices n the stupid choices i'm taking now (the fun life) in the end the only person i hurt is myself. and i almost cried on the phone being torn between staying n leaving.

3. I spoke to myself n God on what exactly i want in my life. i don't have an answer. all the years of education, work n thinking i know it all i actually know nothing. and it made me feel so small n stupid. The only reason i have not left penang is because of the lure of the city life (entertainment, convenience, food) and Mr.X. Friends have told me that only i would stop being so obsessed over him my life would be happier.

 but this obsession has made me grow up, learn to manage my emotions better so much in such a short time. a blessing in disguise i guess. a painful lesson.

His words ring in my head-"all my life i've been striving to make others happy. what about my own happiness?"

So time will tell what will happen next...I'm wishing for a Cmas miracle. but if i leave penang abruptly u guys would know the reason why...