papercut on the surface

I have discovered n learned so many life lessons since the breakup.

no promise cannot be broken, fairytale happiness is extinct n life is never fair.

i dare say one part of innocence n trust is gone forever.
Its better to be independent, trust God alone n love the people worth loving.

I think back and shudder at the thought of what if..

what if i was a fool to agree to the proposal when i was 18, didn't go to uni n just settled down for a mundane life in sban?

and another big proposal just a few months back?

I gave up the opportunity of  big bouquet of roses, champagne, fireworks, bling ring n fancy jewellery n a HOUSE! no need to ever work n receive monthy income for free?

the old sandra would cry n sigh at the waste of so much materialistic things.

but now when i hear it all, i just shrug it off without no FEELING AT ALL.

i always meet Mr.Wrong because i have no common sense and high standards when it comes to choosing.

I just wanna be me. its so tiring to want and wait for something big n wonderful.

its so tiring to forget him Mr.X still...his deep laughter n special smell. i'm weird i know.

after going out with so many guys (even got married guy asked me out-eww reject lah!) i still feel comfortable with him alone.

but for certain i aint gonna let him get me down.

i will push the painful memory of wanting him away n build new happy memories of my own.

i imagine a future bigger n brighter than this current state.
FOCUS on my career n self development first! "prioritize u idiot!" my head tells my heart!

i dont believe i cant get thru this. i will cause i'm a fighter! always have and always will be!

(p/s- the next person who asks me WHY I DONT HAVE a REAL JOB or when i'm getting married, why no boyfren and all will get a tight slap between my gigantic clown shoes! i'm happy for now. dont insult me. Let me just be!