"I'm sick of girls who don't know how to
high-five" - Aaron Sorkin
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POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 05.07.12 ISSUE 601
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* Julian Assange's birthday bash
* Killer poppies land in London
* Charts: Maroon 5 are number one
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>> Under the thumb <<
Kanye and the godfather
Kanye West has got himself a new
management consultant - Irving Azoff.
Would that be the same Irving Azoff
who was recently named the most powerful
man in the music industry and just so
happens to be godfather to Kanye's
current-yet-somehow-implausible squeeze
Kim Kardashian?
Why, yes! The very chap!
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Press release for the Jeremy Deller launch
this week: "7.00pm - 8.30pm Sussex Wildlife
Trust are bringing a live bat".
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>> Paedo pap <<
Scientologists take no chances
A LA paparazzo tells of the time they
were assigned to do a job outside the
Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre.
They were sitting in their car, in
the busy street outside, when a girl
came out of the centre with a bunch
of leaflets in her hand. She walked
up and down the street putting a
leaflet on every windscreen. Finally
she got to the pap's car, slapped
one on his car and went back inside.
He jumped out and read the leaflet.
It was a photo of him, with a reference
to him being a paedophile.
In a panic he ran up the street,
ripping them off every car... only to
find that - except for the one on his
car - they were all completely blank.
He considered himself warned off.
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Barclays' ex-COO, Jerry Del Missier, has a
tattoo of his dog on his shoulder.
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>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Which former premier league star got
so drunk at a Marbella beach club that
he let his mates strip him naked and
throw him in the pool, where one of
them pretended to suck his rather
small cock?
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Julianne Hough sent Daniel Radcliffe a love-
letter and beanie baby on Valentine's Day, when
an extra in Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone.
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>> It's my party... <<
...and I'll hide if I want to
TV networks from around the world have
been bidding for an exclusive interview
with Julian Assange, at home in the
Ecuadorian embassy. This was supposed
to have been finalised early this week.
When one of the bidders called to find
out what had happened, they were told
by an embassy worker that they'd not
been forgotten but everything had been
put on hold so staff could sort out
another urgent priority instead.
Organising Assange's birthday party.
********************************************
>> Tabloid agenda <<
Looking for Britain's good points
One red-top editor to staff last weekend:
If you're going to the Stone Roses gigs
please keep your eyes open for any
'anti social' behaviour from fans....
...peeing in gardens, pulling up plants,
breaking wing mirrors, being sick in the
street..... (we've all done it.) Please
take a picture on your phone of anything
you see and let the newsdesk know.
------------------------------------------------
ASDA has pulled six out of the nine varieties
of Alex James's cheeses from their shelves.
Sweet chilli and spring onion survived the cut.
------------------------------------------------
>> Furious Lee <<
How to deal with amateur paps
Stewart Lee was drinking in the
Cloisters in Salisbury last Saturday
when he was accosted by two very
drunk men looking to take a picture
with him. When Lee declined their
request, the boys went ahead and
decided to take one anyway - with
a very bright flash that gave the
game away.
Lee then stood up and, pointing at
them in turn, said "You're a cunt
and you're a cunt".
And then stormed out.
------------------------------------------------
Desmond Tutu - so good on things like world
peace; esoteric on the badger v baboon question:
"Baboons are vicious..."
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>> Flower power <<
And they call this poppy love
At this week's unveiling of the Bomber
Command Memorial, a Lancaster flew over
and dropped poppies all over Green Park.
The news showed images of poppies gently
fluttering down to earth. What they didn't
show was that about 80% of the poppies
came down stuck together in two huge lumps
and hit the ground with a sizeable force,
near the crowd, at a speed that could have
killed anyone it hit.
Which would have been ironic.
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Frankie Dettori has been in Ibiza. He was very
friendly to fans, but made sure he stood on a
step when in photos with anyone over 6ft.
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>> Feather wait <<
Gilbert hearts Dorian
Ticket sales for the Birds Of A Feather
live show might not have set the box
office alight, but Lesley Joseph seems
to be enduringly popular.
She has her own personal stalker, Gilbert.
He waits by the stage door to request a
dinner-date with her and also leaves her
a Barbie doll, a good luck card and
Haribo Mixtures before each performance.
------------------------------------------------
Eric Sykes was banned from attending
Hattie Jacques' funeral.
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>> Fishy tales <<
Rock and roll never dies
The rockers of yesteryear... bet
they've got some stories to tell, yeah?
Here's a selection of the highlights
from the recent Facebook updates of
Fish from Marillion:
* Fish has received a 900 pound bill
for two months of electricity after
being incorrectly fitted with a 3 phase
meter. He's being charged for 5,947
kilowatt hours.
* The load on Fish's house has been
checked. It comes in at 18.7 amps.
* His hot water boiler can only draw
3k according to the element spec, yet
it's somehow registering a draw of 6.7k.
* EON accidentally put his home phone
out of use for an afternoon after
putting the call on hold rather than
hanging up.
* Both Lenny and Ruth from EON are
very nice and are doing all they can.
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George Entwistle, the new DG of the BBC, is
the man who brought Miranda to the BBC1.
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>> Popbits <<
Going mildly retro
New records, sounding a bit old:
1. Little Mix - a bit
Christina Aguilera
2. Florence ATM - quite Arcade Fire
3. Alex Reid - autotuned Ian Brodie
Listen:
http://bit.ly/KVrpJt
FYI 1: That's not a recommendation for
the Alex Reid track. It's truly awful.
FYI 2: No Chantelle and Alex in OK this
week - did even Richard Desmond baulk at
their financial demands?
------------------------------------------------
Ned's Atomic Dustbin, Back to the Planet and
Senser are raising their whiffy heads on the
niche festival circuit this summer.
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>> Blackballed <<
Lloyd-Webber does a Panorama
Why did Jade McEwen come only fifth at
Eurovision? According to Andrew
Lloyd Webber, it wasn't because
the song was poo. (Come, on can
you still hum it? Us neither).
It was racism.
Picking at old wounds, he claims they
suffered as Eastern Europeans wouldn't
vote for a black artist: "If you're
talking about Western Europe - Germany,
fine; France, fine; Spain, fine; Greece,
fine; Scandinavian countries, fine.
But Ukraine? Not so good."
That'll be the Ukraine who had
black pop superstar Gaitana representing
them this year, will it?
FYI: Check out the comments:
http://bit.ly/O8NxkH
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UK has got points from 39 different countries
in Eurovision in the last four years, putting a
hole in the "Everyone hates us!" theory.
------------------------------------------------
>> Hmms <<
Gove porn, Quo, tea
Jay-Z's 99 Problems and the Fourth
Amendment - a legal breakdown:
http://bit.ly/Oiou2c
An erotic Michael Gove dinosaur
story:
http://bit.ly/N04VtQ
Frankel misses the Coral Eclipse on
Saturday... and now so does So You Think.
Which makes it a very competitive race -
Nathaniel? Twice over e/w?
http://bit.ly/MAYyjs
That Status Quo movie we mentioned?
Here's some pictures from the set:
http://bit.ly/N6ootm
Lionel Richie teapot:
http://bit.ly/M72OlP
What Facebook developers liked to listen
to at work? Daft Punk's Harder Faster
Better Stronger:
http://bit.ly/LVoTcg
*********************************************
Last chance to come to Popbitch quiz for ages
Wed 11 July, 730pm, Century Club W1.
Last tables available... All-new quiz rounds
and sounds with Tom Webb and Will Barrett
plus Des O'Connor related prizes!
Email comp@popbitch.com
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>> Stuff about Popbitch <<
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Old Jokes Home
Higgs Boson goes into a Catholic church.
The priest says, "You're not welcome here."
Higgs Boson says "You can't have mass
without me."
Still Bored?
One of the best houses in Britain:
http://bit.ly/M7LIG1Thursday, July 5, 2012
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