In light of a comment made by writer/director Brett Piper below, in response to this review, I am going to be rewatching and reevaluating this film. I will be posting some additional comments over at Cinema Steve, and I'll link to them here. My first thought was to just revise the article, but that felt like "hiding the evidence." (The review was originally posted on 2/10/11. I'll be watching the film again and have some comments up soon.)
Psyclops (2002) Starring: Dan Merriman, Rob Monkiewicz, Irene Elizabeth Joseph, Diane DiGregorio, Liz Hurley, and Phip Barbour Director: Brett Piper Rating: Five of Ten Stars
A geeky film student (Merriman) fires up the 150 year-old creation of a mad scientist and creates a bridge between our dimension and another. He is transformed into a hideous creature with a video camera fused into his skull and sets out to transform a girl he has a crush on (DiGregorio) into the perfect Bride of the Monster.
"Psyclops" is a diamond in the rough. It features Rob Monkiewicz, the leading man of several other Piper films, in one of his first appearances, and it is full of the sort of comedy and classic horror movie atmosphere that Piper included in his later films "Bite Me!" and "Shock-O-Rama". But Monkiewicz' performance feels stiff and unnatural, and Piper's direction of numerous scenes is clunky and plodding. And it's not just Monkiewicz whose performance is still--the entire cast give performances that would be perfectly acceptable on a stage, but which are entirely unsuitable for a film. They all wait politely for the other cast members to finish their lines, and they all seem to be performing to make sure that the audience in the back can pick up every work and gesture.
It doesn't help matters that the dialogue feels mostly unnatural and very 1970s comic-booky as well. In fact, the whole film feels like a live action comic book in many ways... with each line of dialogue being in its own separate speech balloon and each shot being an individual panel. Perhaps this is what Piper was going for, but since that is such a far-fetched notion, I rather doubt it. It is an interesting atmosphere, but it gives the movie a stagey feel.
However, despite the stiffness of the acting and the dialogue, the film is never boring. Although Piper once again takes his time introducing us to the characters, the film is engaging from the outset. Once the mad science enters into the picture--with alien bugs that reanimate dead bodies and goopy tentacle beasts from Dimension Lovecraft--the film is practically zooms along to its fiery conclusion. (We can't have a movie with mad science-spawned monster without a building burning to the ground at the end, now can we?)
The swift pace of the film almost makes up for the fact that many of the jokes aren't all that funny. The fight against zombies animated by extra-dimensional creatures is also a great highlight of the film, and it more than makes up for a pointless scene where Merriman kills a would-be mugger. All-in-all, if you like cheesy movies, you'll find this movie a good way to pass an hour and half, and you'll agree with me that its strong points almost outweigh the weak ones.
Almost. At its best, this film reminded me of some of my favorite Full Moon pictures from the 1980s and 1990s, but at its worst it put me in mind of Full Moon efforts from the other end of the spectrum... although nothing here was ever as bad as "The Killer Eye".
While Brett Piper and Rob Monkiewicz went onto improve their craft and create better films, most of the other actors appearing in this film have virtually no other credits to their names--including "Liz Hurley" who is not who you think it is. That's a shame, because with the exception of a couple of bit players, I saw potential in every actor that appeared. (I could even swear that I've seen Diane DiGregorio in other films, but I can't find any other credits for her.)
Given the great progress Piper made as a filmmaker between "Psyclops" in 2002 and "Shock-O-Rama" in 2005, I can only imagine how entertaining "Bacterium" (a 2006 film waiting in my Stack of Stuff) and his 2009 effort "Muck Man" (which I have yet to acquire) might be.
Resident Evil (2002) Starring: Milla Jovovich Director: Paul W.S. Anderson Rating: Eight of Ten Stars
If you like action flicks AND are a fan of the classic horror flick "Dawn of the Dead," you're going to love "Resident Evil."
In a future where the global trade and politics is dominated by Umbrella Corporation, something goes terribly wrong at a top secret research installation under a major metropolitan area. A crack commando team is sent in to discover what happened... and come face to face with ravenous hoards of undead and other nasty critters created by the corporation's military/health research department. Meanwhile, a young woman, Alice (Jovovich), is trying to recover her memory and learn how she might be connected to the outbreak... and if she might be the key to stopping it.
The scares are neat, the action is non-stop and well-conceived, and, while the plot doesn't really stray from the "science goes horribly wrong and now the dead walk!"-type plot, it is very well executed and there are a couple of nice twists and interesting moments.
And some scary moments, too. The infected dogs are horrifying and the revelation of who Alice is very well done and it give Milla Jovovich a chance to actually act instead of just look tough and sexy.
Even better, although I've never played the video games this film was based upon, I could see the "levels" and the "challenges" of the game play out on screen without seeming too hokey. It's nice to see something that remains true to the nature of its source material, yet still create an adaptation that works in the new medium.
The Shaft (aka "The Lift" and "Down") (2001) Starring: James Marshall, Naomi Watts, Ron Perlman, and Michael Ironside Director: Dick Maas Rating: Four of Ten Stars
The express elevators in New York City's famous Millennium Building suddenly develop minds of their own... and they are minds bent on murder! Will a slacker ex-Marine hunk turned elevator repairman (James Marshall) and a sexy, plucky girl tabloid reporter (over-acted by Naomi Watts) uncover the truth of what's happening, or will they fall victim to elevator industry cover-ups, mad scientists delving in Elevator Technology Man Was Not Meant to Know, and renegade killer elevators?
This often unintentionally funny horror movie features a script that should have gone through a draft or two more; copious overacting (everyone is SO over the top here that Michael Ironsides--featured in a small but pivotal part--seems subdued and restrained); and too many 'because the plot requires it' moments to count. There's enough interesting things here to keep the viewer's attention, but ultimately the movie is unsatisfying and lame, mostly because it has the killer elevators perform truly amazing and physically impossible feats without even bothering to attempt to explain how they manage to do it. (Sadly, one of my favorite killer elevator scenes is tied into one of these... the death of the obnoxious rollerblader. While I'll buy into the building's express elevators developing a mind of their own through the wonders of mad science, I can't accept that lets them completely ignore the laws of physics.)
A fun film, if you can get it cheap or for free... and if you have absolutely nothing to do, or nothing better to watch.
The House by the Cemetery (1984) Starring: Katherine MacColl, Paolo Malco, Giovanni Frezza, and Ania Pieroni Director: Lucio Fulci Rating: Three of Ten Stars
A researcher (Malco) moves with his family to Boston to complete the work started by a collegue who committed suicide. Through a flurry of coincidences (or Fate, or maybe the researcher's specific manipulation, take your pick), they end up in a creepy house that is tied to the subject of the research. Ghosts, unkillable bats, and weird murders then drive the young family toward doom. If you like your horror flicks with a high level of well-done gore but don't care whether the story hangs together well, then this is a film for you.
One part haunted house movie, one part slasher flick, and with a dash of mad science thrown in out of left field for good measure, " House by the Cemetery" exhibits all the strength and weaknesses that were the hallmarks of Italian horror movie makers in the Seventies and Eighties; the gore is appropriately disgusting--although the highmark in this film is definately the maggot-infested insides of the film's monster!--but there are characters who behave inconsistently or incomprehsibly and the script writers seem more concerned with getting from plot contrievance to plot contrievance, or providing excuses for the special efffects crew to go to work than they are with providing a story that hands together sensibly by the time the End Credits roll.
I know Fulci has his strong admirers, and I'm sure they will find much to like in this movie, but I was too annoyed with the coincidences, pointless ambiguities, and just plain random junk that pass for the story to get much enjoyment from it. It wasn't even fun nonsense, like you get in the Monogram and PRC horror movies from the 1930s and 1940s; it was just nonsense. (And if you are an admirer of this film, can you explain the behavior of the creepy babysitter [played by Ania Pieroni] to me? That annoyed me more than anything else in the picture.)
Oh... and that picture I used to illustrate this review? It appeared on a German poster for the flick, It's a cool painting, even if it has little do to with what actually happens.
Panic (aka "Bakterion") (1974) Starring: David Warbeck, Janet Agren, and Jose Lifante Director: Tonino Ricci Rating: Three of Ten Stars
A butter-fingered scientist spills experimental biological weapons-matter all over himself and turns into a rampaging creature that attacks big-breasted women in tight tops and choir boys on the outskirts of London. Captain Kirk (Warbeck)--no, not THAT Captain Kirk--is charged with hunting him down while a beautiful scientist (Agren) races to find a cure.
This is not the worst movie ever made, but it certainly is one of the stupidest. Heavily padded with tranquil city and country road scenes--supposedly made suspenseful by the lame soundtrack--and featuring a lame monster, lame villains, a painfully generic hero, and even more painfully bad dialogue.
"Panic" might provide some mild entertainment as a secondary feature at a Bad Movie Party, but otherwise it's an utterly worthless bit of cinema.
Sting of Death (1966) Starring: Joe Morrison, John Vella, Valerie Hawkins and Jack Nagle Director: William Grefe Rating: Four of Ten Stars
After being ridiculed for his theories and tormented by a bunch of partying college kids, a marine biologist's assistant, Egon (Vella) transforms himself into a human jellyfish monster and goes on a murderous rampage. Will Beauty (Hawkins) conquer the Beast yet again, or will she die screaming in pain from his poisonous jellyfish touch?
"Sting of Death' is one of those movies that has a decent script at its core, but just about everything else about it is otherwise awful.
The actors featured are uniformly bad--with only John Vella, as the assistant who steps into the role as a mad scientist, and Valerie Hawkins, as the ever-screaming love interest, showing even the slightest bit of talent. Although that might be a bit unfair to the actors. The awful, stagy way they deliver their lines, with everyone politely waiting for lines to be completely finished before delivering their own, even when they are supposed to be interrupting and talking over another character, has also got to be the fault of the director to some degree.)
The special effects are almost as awful, with the film's giant jellyfish appearing like plastic bags with a little coloring in them, and the half-man, half-jellyfish monster looking like a guy in a bodysuit with an inflated garbage bag over his head. When we just saw its hands and stinging tentacles, it was creepy but the "big reveal" at the end made it just seem pathetic.
This is a film that clearly demonstrates that if you don't have the budget for decent costumes and effects, you really, REALLY need to make up for it by keeping your monster unseen or by camouflaging it with clever lighting and camera angles.
When the Jellyfish Man is scary...
... and when he is not, in two scenes from "Sting of Death"
"Sting of Death" would rate a 3 if not for a handful of very well-executed scenes. There's an attack by the jellyfish man that put me in mind of "Jaws" it was so well done, followed by a very creepy credits sequence. Later, an attack by monstrous jellyfish on the passengers of a sinking boat reminded me of the disabled catamarans in "Jaws 2". Then, there is an attack scene on land that someone should license for an anti-smoking commercial.
With the exception of the final battle between the jellyfish man and dashing young Dr. John (Joe Morrison), all the monster scenes in the film are very well done... better in fact that is the norm for the sort of no-budget school of filmmaking represented here. Combined with some nice cinematography, "Sting of Death" ends up being just entertaining enough to hold your attention as it unfolds, despite the bad actiing and the padding with dance party sequences (where the same footage of shaking booties gets used again and again).
The second feature on this DVD is reviewed at the companion blog "Movies to Die Before Seeing." You can read about it by clicking here.
Outpost (2008) Starring: Ray Stevenson, Julian Wadham, Richard Brake, Brett Fancey, Paul Blair, Enoch Frost, Michael Smiley and Julian Rivett Director: Steve Barker Rating: Six of Ten Stars
A group of mercenaries are hired to escort a scientist to a desolate area within a civil-war torn eastern European nation. Here, they find a bunker that's been abandoned since WW2, a bunker that houses a Nazi experiment that was never quite brought to a close....
"Outpost" is a pretty straight-forward, no-frills horror movie where our cast of tough guys spend ten minutes getting to the "haunted house", half an hour realizing they're not alone and they're in big trouble, and the last hour trying to figure out a way to save themselves while being slaughtered one by one.
This is a decently paced fright-fest that offers up a pseudo-scientific explanation for the origins of the undead/time-lost Nazi monsters our unsavory mercenary heroes come up against. (Ah, the Nazis... has any other group of lunatic scumbags been as rich and varied a source for so many genres of movies and fiction?)
The only complaint I have is that I wish the writers and/or director had spent a little more time on figuring out the how's and why's of the creatures; their abilities and strength seems to change and vary for no reason other than plot demands. That isn't enough to knock the film to the low end of average though.
For a frightfest that won't put any strain on your brain, I recommend "Outpost".
Transylmania (2009) Starring: Oren Skoog, Jennifer Lyons, Tony Denman, Patrick Cavanaugh, Paul H. Kim, Musetta Vander, Natalie Garza, Nicole Garza, David Steinberg, James DeBello and Irena A. Hoffman Directors: David Hillenbrand and Scott Hillenbrand Rating: Two of Ten Stars
A group of American college students travel to a remote Transylvanian university for a semester of studying and partying abroad. Will the partying or the vampires kill them first?
I need to learn the lesson that the smart choice is to go home if I arrive at the theater too late to see the movie I had planned on. But, as I was stood at the box office, I noticed "Transylmania" was about to start. And, seeing that I love old monster movies and this was part college stoner comedy and part spoof of the classic monster-in-the-creepy-castle films, I thought it might be fun. "How bad can it be?" I asked myself.
Well, it was pretty bad. The humor is more stupidly offensive than funny, the acting universally weak--especially when it comes to the comedic timing of the cast, which is surprising given the long resumes of everyone appearing in the film--and the story features numerous characters that do nothing except serve the purpose of a single joke and otherwise just clutter up the film and story.
It's too bad, becuase in the hands of competent writers who understood how to streamline a story (not to mention write funny jokes) and with some better actors, this could have been a really funny movie with roots in classic films from Universal and Full Moon. The vampire/college student look-alike and the midget mad scientist had all sorts of potential, potential that we can see shining through at the film's best moments, but which remains tragicaly unspent or even wasted.
I really wish this film had been better and that it had done well at the box office. I applaud the filmmakers for writing a spoof that actually has an original story instead of just a cobbled together string of lame references to recent movies and current news events and pop culture. Maybe (God willing!) this film is a sign that story will be returning to the spoof film... or maybe the failure of this film will mean the genre will go dormant for a while because the business people and creatives STILL won't get the message that quality is what sells a movie.
Skip this one. It's better than garbage like "Disaster Movie," but it's still not worth your time or money.
Spanish actor/writer/director Paul Naschy died at the age of 75 on December 1, 2009. Horror fandom has seen another one of the iconic actors pass away, and I don't think there's anyone that can be pointed to as an equal in the modern filmworld.
At the very least, I doubt anyone will beat his record of having portrayed a werewolf in at least 12 different movies. Few actors outside of episodic television stick with anything that long these days.
I wasn't going to start this blog for another two or three months, but this seems like the right time to do a round-up of the Paul Naschy reviews, putting forth both the good and the bad among his movies that I've enjoyed over the years. (And so some extent, I've gained enjoyment from all of Naschy's films. No matter how weak they were overall, there was always some cool element that I could say made at lest some of the time well spent.)
My guess is that I've watched and reviewed other Naschy films over the years, but these are the four that sprang immediately to mind. In fact, if you like the look and feel of European horror films from the 1970s, I recommend tracking down a copy of "The Hanging Woman." It's one of the best you'll find.
The Fury of the Wolfman (aka "The Wolfman Never Sleeps") (1970) Starring: Paul Naschy, Perla Cristal, Veronica Lujan, and Mark Stevens Director: Jose Maria Zabalza Rating: Five of Ten Stars
When a globe-trotting scientist (Naschy) contracts lycanthropy, he becomes the latest subject of the twisted experiments of a mad scientist (Cristal) and her all-woman team of graduate student assistants.
"The Fury of the Wolfman" is a mess of a movie. It's over-long, partially due to the fact that the creators seemed to want to cram every legend and scientific-sounding theory they'd heard about werewolves into the picture and tie them into the efforts of their multi-discipline mad scientist... who is working on several mind control projects and creating human/plant hybrids in the basement of her creepy castle. And then there's the completely superflous plotline involving a reporter and a police inspector who are both trying to track down the wolfman.
Another issue with the film is the title. It would have been more aptly named "Moonlight Strolls of the Wolfman" or "The Wolfman, Starring WB's Tazmanian Devil"... because the wolfman spends much of his time just wandering about, and when he's snarling, he sounds exactly like the Tazmanian Devil from the old Bugs Bunny cartoons. While this does give rise to much unintended hilarity, it doesn't make for much of a horror film.
The movie is at its best as the poor victim of lycanthropy and a newfound ally try to escape the mad scientist's castle. But this is about ten minutes of the running time, and even here the film lapses into unintended comedy.
"The Fury of the Wolfman" is fast enough paced, has enough characters behaving stupidlyl, and enough instances of fullblown, unintended comedic disaster that it would make for a fine addition to a "Bad Movie Nite" party... but that's all it's good for.
Werewolf Shadow (aka "The Werewolf vs. the Vampire Woman", "Blood Moon" and "Shadow of the Werewolf") (1970) Starring: Paul Naschy, Gaby Fuchs, Barbara Capell, Patty Shepard, and Yelina Samarina Director: Leon Klimovsky Rating: Six of Ten Stars
Two college students (Fuchs and Capell) conducting research into a supposed vampire and witch from the Middle Ages (Shepard) trace the existence of her tomb the isolated castle of Count Waldemar Daninisky (Naschy). While the hospitible, yet secretive, count is showing them the tomb, the ancient (and very hungry and lusty) vampire is awakened. Will the count be able to save the girls and the nearby villagers? Will he decide that there are days where it's actually good to be cursed with lycanthropy?
"Werewolf Shadow" is a direct sequel to "Fury of the Wolfman", and, although a bit slow at times and showing signs of a director struggling to pad the film to meet a certain running time, it's a pretty good little flick--and it's far, far better than the film it follows. It stands up nicely when compared to some of the movies released by Hammer around the same time. Of course, if you're familiar with the output of Hammer in the early 1970s, you might think I'm damning this film with faint praise... and you might not be entirely wrong.
(And if you've seen "Fury of the Wolfman", you're probably wondering why the Good Count is even around. That's explained quite nicely in the first minutes of the film, where a coroner makes the worst blunder of his career. It's a sequence that is one of the more effective in the film.)
This is an okay horror flick, but it's not great. Its a solidly average 1970s monster film, teetering on the brink of low-average (between the ratings of 5 and 6 on my scale). It's got decent acting, some nice, moody camerawork, and there's some great use of lighting and fog machines to enhance the creepiness of many scenes. The slow-motion, gliding movements of the vampires is an excellently executed way of adding creepiness to them, and there are moments when the film is almost lifting itself up to a higher level of quality... but those moments pass quickly and then the movie sinks back to its low-average comfort zone.
A big problem is the above-mentioned padding of scenes. Another problem is the film's star, Paul Naschy. Just like in "The Fury of the Werewolf", he seems to more stroll through the night than run. He does a slightly better job when he's not a werewolf, but he still seems to dragging himself through the film... and as a result he drags it down.
On the upside, though, the film is helped by three gorgeous leading ladies (Shepard is particularly good and sexy as the resurrected vampiress), plenty of bare breasts, a good heaping of blood, and a well-done climactic fight.
It's worth seeking out if you enjoy early 1970s horror flicks, but just be aware that Naschy is quite possibly the most lethargic wolfman in cinematic history.
Hanging Woman (aka "The Orgy of the Dead", "Terror of the Living Dead", and "Return of the Zombies") (1972) Starring: Stan Cooper, Dianik Zurakowska, Maria Pia Conte, Paul Naschy and Gerard Tichy Director: John Davidson (or Jose Luis Moreno, depending on the source) Rating: Seven of Ten Stars
When Serge Chekov (Cooper) arrives in a small mountain village to claim his inheritance, he stumbles upon the body who has seemingly comitted suicide. He soon learns she's a resident in the manor house he's inherited from, his recently deceased uncle. It soon becomes apparent that both the hanged woman and Chekov's uncle were actually murdered, and he attempts to find out why (with the assistance of pure-hearted Doris (Zurakowska)), he discovers bigger problems with his new house: The dead are getting out of their graves and killing the living.
"Hanging Woman" is a funky cross between a zombie movie and Sherlock Holmes-style detective film with a sensibility that harkens back to classic Hammer films, such as "The Reptile" and "Plague of the Zombies." It's relatively straight forward, but the way it tosses both witchcraft and Victorian-style mad science into the bubbling plot cauldron (not to mention a necropheliac grave-digger, played with flair by Spanish horror film mainstay Paul Naschy) obscures the going-ons just enough to keep the viewer as much in the dark as the protagonists.
The film could have benefitted from some judicious editing and script rewrites, but the acting is better than what is often seen in movies of this level--and this goes both for the actors on screen and the voice actors--and there are numerous genuinely tense moments, but the film is a little too slow-moving and flabby to be truly scary. Plus, there is a "shocking denoument" which is just plain stupid.
Horror Rises from the Tomb (1973) Starring: Paul Naschy, Emma Cohen, Helga Line, Víc Winner, and Betsabe Ruiz Director: Carlos Aured Rating: Seven of Ten Stars
Hugo du Marnac (Nashcy) comes into possession of the severed head of an ancestor who was exectued for witchcraft centuries ago (also Naschy). Unlike many of those so condemned, Hugo's forebearer was a REAL warlock, and he's been waiting for centuries to have his head reunited with the rest of his body, so he can ressurect his witch-wife (Line) and resume their lives devoted to Satan and Evil. Subsequently, murder, mayhem, and water-logged zombies threaten to completely ruin Hugo and his friends' vacation in the French countryside.
"Horror Rises From the Tomb" starts slow, but once it gets going, it emerges that Paul Naschy made. The resurrection scenes, the heart-ripping scene, and the zombies shambling out of the lake are all very effective moments with images that will remain with you long after the movie is over. Naschy is also a bit more energetic than usual, bringing lots of energy to the roles he plays in this film--especailly to the evil warlock Alaric. Whether he's a head-in-a-box, or the resassembled servant of Satan, Naschy radiates evil here.
The supporting cast is decent, with the female leads being not only gorgeous to look at, but okay actresses to boot. The film is also well photographed and the filmmakers made excellent use of both the desolate landscapes and the decaying buildings that serve as the film's setting.
