why am i even in sch?

Hi dear readers :)

this is my 3rd week as a teacher and today i survived monday blues!

cant believe i'm still hanging on. i mean look at me! i havent quit! omg saying this at this point makes me feel like superwoman wei ! means i'm stronger than i tot i was..thank u for all ur support that has directly and  indirectly helped me thru and thru. Sometimes when i'm alone in sch i think back of all the words ppl have told me verbally n written and it lifts my spirits to know that i'm not alone, that i'm doing something right and to never stop fighting.

view from my sch window..hecters n hecters of oil palm n plantations...

current plan is to hold on for another 3 months cause bad news- $alary only comes in after 3 months of paperwork n registration thingy..owhh shitty rite? they expect us to eat air, photosynthesize like plants for food n walk to sch cause all that no need money wan. genius of a boss up there. all teachers my batch are suffering the same fate as well.

So many ppl asking..so wats ur future plan ah?

simple answer i'm going to struggle thru these 3 months n decide whether i wanna continue long term or just quit n go back penang.

Sometimes i get so fed up of answering i just say yaya..i'm good. teaching so good why dont like..bla bla all is good and those nosy uncle n aunties stop bugging my life.

my workdesk where i sit alone.

But deep down i still feel very miserable indeed. my life in my cousin's house is more than good but the life during worktime..haih.. i promised to never speak evil of my sch n teaching so i wont. I still dont have timetable yet u know. means i go to sch do nothing but relief classes n sit in my corner by myself counting down hours to go home..what a wasteful existence n waste of youth n talent.

I dare say the only good thing is i get my weekends off, i get to go church n for once live a normal life with my family n loved ones all over again..i only LOVE WEEKENDS!! jalan jalan, see him, eat alot, sleep alot, got mom homecook food n do free laundry n just feeling cared for. (so directly after 12noon bell on friday i shoot on highway tekan minyak terus go home- shows how desperate i am to run from sch and all its biro admin crap)

breakfast made with love :)

We saw a clown (his name is Lolypop) in jusco on saturday. i was so excited i tell u. just watching the clown made my heart skip a million beats! we lined up n waited quite long n i made my own balloon sculpture. touching the balloon, hearing the familiar squashing noises of twisting it n watching the kids around the clown made me SOOOOOOOO nostalgic. i wanted to be Creampuff the clown again. i wanted to just fly back to penang asap!

 it made my heart tore once again between family and teaching and home VS love and penang freedom and events job. i hate to be stuck in these situations. to be selfish or just be filial? to be safe or be constantly worrying abt cash? to be confined with rules or to live life independently free? 

i just wish i had more wisdom and insight to choose the better of these choices cause when the time comes i will certainly have to sacrifice one and pay for the consequences :(