I paste a PLASTER on my head

nobody would believe it. even i cant believe it

my prayers from July until now was answered in a DESSERT SHOP in small sban!

i finally have an answer. I have an answer to my madness and obsession of mr.X.

My girls Chris (who just got back from NZ ) and Catherine actually knocked rational sense into me after 2 hours of talking.

Main lessons learned that made me quite angry with myself for not realizing it myself:

1.STOP BEING A SLAVE and doing everything for him cause he will take u for granted.

2. STOP believing the excuse he has no time! if he can go "overseas" often to see the other girl and no time for u he is not worth it. trust no guy n his words in fact.

3. STOP feeling shitty low esteem, losing my character and losing all my maruah diri !

4. Time limit set for positive affirmation is end of the year. after that its time to close eyes, kill hope n totally take flight!

5. I am beautiful, educated and lovable. why bind myself on a one way love highway of suffering?! BODOHNYER!

God actually spoke n said its time to stop the madness. focus on singlehood , dont rush anything n repair all the broken things inside first.

and with the reassurance above from both of them . (the rest of the girls in penang have been repeatedly saying n scolding me repeatedly but only today only just now it all made perfect sense. )

WHY THE HECK AM I ALLOWING MYSELF TO BE TREATED LIKE DIRT?! UNAPPRECIATED n INVINSIBLE?! HOW STUPID wei was to allow him to play with my emotions like this!!

 if he cant appreciate / love me then heck there are other better guys out there who can do that !!

After such a long time i felt my eyes opened from blindness. eventhough i fear i might be soft hearted when i see him face to face but i will remind myself of this answered prayer. and i thank u Lord for lifting my rock burden, throw it into the sea and allowing peace in my heart .

 Aihh, after listening to their experiences. sometimes i feel we sban girls (girls from small kampung places) are so naive, trusting n soft hearted. we melt n give in too fast when it comes to guys. its time to learn n toughen up!

I dont know. maybe i'll get weak n stumble n get all emo again in the future but i am CERTAIN of the things i want in a guy and if he is not part of the plan then ADIOS AMIGOS! :) never felt so relieved n happy in months...