'Zombie Cop' should stay in the grave

Zombie Cop (1991)
Starring: Michael Kemper, James Black, Bill Morrison and Ken Jarosz
Director: Lance Randas (aka J.R. Bookwalter)
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

Dr. Death, a psychopathic, drug-dealing, child-murdering Voodoo shaman (Black), kills and curses his nemisis, a police detective named Gil (Kemper), causing him to rise from the grave and walk the Earth as a self-aware zombie. With the help of his former partner (Jarosz), the undead cop sets out to find a way to undo the curse and stop the evil of Dr. Death once and for all.

"Zombie Cop" is one of those sad movies that has a fun idea as its origin point, but which is so badly executed that it's hard to even give the creators the consideration they're due for even making the attempt. Some amateurish productions still manage to succeed on raw talent... but there doesn't seem to be much talent here, raw or otherwise.

(Yes, James Black went onto be part of some pretty high profile projects--as well as more movies will Bookwalter--and he's put on some good shows, but this film is the very definition of "inauspicious beginnings". Not to mention unprofessional beginnings if you can trust the audio commentary by producer/director J.R. Bookwalter. Apparently Black was just making up his lines and character as he went without having even read the script. If this is true, it explains some of the illogical and disconnected "facts" Dr. Death reveals about himself as he rambles on.)

Aside from the awful acting, weak camera work, bad editing and atrocious musical score, the film is padded with the obligatory driving scenes and overlong build-ups to the action scenes. Bookwalter also pads his film with the absolute worst of padding sins... on more than one occasion he included what was obvious intended as two different takes of the same scene, with the actors delivering their lines and/or doing their actions more than once as the camera kept rolling. The most blatant of these is the scene where the heroes are reviewing the facts they know about Dr. Death... and they have the same exchange with some slight variations twice in a row.

All of this padding is in a movie that barely clears sixty minutes worth of running time. "Zombie Cop" truly is 35 minutes of excitement crammed into 60 minutes of running time.

And I haven't even touched on the incredibly offensive "comic relief character" in the form of a badly written and performed even worse stereotypical "towelhead" convenience store clerk. This element of the film was so lazily and cheapily done that the white guy in black face trying to pass himself off as a Hindu is literally wearing a towel on his head. As regular readers know, I'm not one to take offense at cartoony ethnic characters, but this one is so badly done that it offended me in every possible way. I almost knocked the film down a point just for that character, but decided that it was a symptom of the overall awfulness of the script and just let it go.

As bad a job as Bookwalter and friends do with this movie, they do manage to get a few things right... and these things keep the movie at the bottom end of a 3 rating.

I appreciate the fact that the production crew was intelligent enough to look at their resources--both financial and talent-wise--and create the movie's effects and action scenes accordingly.

Clearly, no one on the film was much of a make-up artist... and, even more clearly, there was neither the time nor the money to apply even the basic make-up that would have made the zombie cop seem convincing as a walking dead man to the audience. So, they took the very intelligent step of wrapping him up like a mummy, thus avoiding the need for make-up entirely except in two scenes.

Also, no one on the film was much of a fight choreographer, nor were any of the actors particularly skilled at stage fighting, so the fisticuffs were kept to a minimum and attempts at creative editing was used to make the fights and the violence seem exciting.

Still, the number of things they got wrong far outnumber the things they got right. Even the director/producer himself acknowledges this is a pretty awful movie, as he reissued it on DVD as part of Tempe's "Bad Movie Police" series. This series consists of films directed and/or produced by Bookwalter in the 1990s and it purports to be "evidence" against cinematic terrorists that have been collected by a special branch of law enforcement devoted to protecting the public from unwatchable movies.

While it's great that Bookwalter can laugh at himself (and make a few more bucks in the process), it isn't enough to make this movie worth your time. It's not so bad it's good... it's just bad.

peace in my heart

yesterday was perfect.

it is a great feeling waking up with absolutely NOTHING to do, NOTHING on your mind and NOBODY pushing me around to do anything..

It was great, waking up then eating at my own pace, doing laundry, cleaning up rumah 28 our student house, doing some Christmas shopping at Queens, eating Nandos and J.co ice cream, online streaming movies, getting a lazy afternoon nap, getting my hair cut at the saloon (boy the head massage was so good) and finally walk around Gurney aimlessly.

All these without the hassle of taking any photos, no clowning job, without make up or putting on anything nice or talking to anybody.

 the idea of nothingness and having the day to myself was so relaxing. 

i felt so much PEACE and happiness within. something i had never felt for a long long time..and i was truly blissful.

perhaps all we all need is a short escape, a short break from the world to recharge and stay sane.

i had time to reflect through the high school years, uni life, working life and all the mistakes i did along the way..and i asked myself whether i was ready to grow up to be an adult, to take responsibilities, to be a teacher in the coming months..

the idea of growing up to work all seem so new, so alien, so scary but everything goes a baby step at a time..

 life is one big journey through the valley of uncertainty. 

And i'm grateful i had God backing me up all the way and still is my pillar of strength and wisdom. 

imagine me the weakling going thru so much and still surviving today. 

There is a God and he is alive and working in u and in me.

life is truly a miracle and I'm thankful for each day....

this is what Christmas means i guess, not pretty presents or fancy new things but being grateful and satisfied with oneself and life itself.

'The Skeleton Key' is worn-out and cliched

The Skeleton Key (2005)
Starring Kate Hudson, Gena Rowlands, Peter Sarsgaard, and John Hurt
Director: Iain Softley
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Caroline (Hudson), a hospice nurse with personal issues, is hired to help an elderly woman (Rowlands) with her dying, paralyzed husband (Hurt). They live in a creepy old Southern mansion, deep in the bayou, and surrounded by even creepier villages. Caroline soon discovers that there is more going on in the creepy house than meets the eye and that the man she is tending to is more likely the victim of a magical curse than a stroke. Soon, this young non-believer is drawn into a world of folk-magic, curses, and southern discomfort!

"The Skeleton Key" does a nice job of drawing the viewers into the strange environment into which Caroline enters, and it does a fine job at pacing the story, but when it comes to staying involved with the story, viewers have to be willing to accept the fact that everything Caroline does is dictated by plot concerns and horror movie "stupid character" cliches. If viewers don't mind a character who lives her life by "Things Every Horror Movie Character Must Do in Order to Live Up to Bad Writing Principles," the suspense in "The Skeleton Key" never lets up.

When it comes down to it, "The Skeleton Key" is yet another paint-by-numbers supernatural thriller that brings nothing new to the table. It could almost have been a neat film like "Cursed," except that it uses too many of the cliched elements badly. Caroline's behavior and actions is the most glaring of these. The "twist ending" is also so well-worn that I can't comment on it without spoiling the entire movie... but I could have done without it.

have u seen the candy clown?

HI all my lovely readers!!

 Sawatdi kha, Hello, Apa Khabar, Vannakum, Ni hao ma?

this bunny video is a random thingy i saw online and i want to dedicate it to Natsumi Bunny who has been so faithfully commenting on my bloggie for the past year! =) they are super adorable as u!

  

everyday i torture my face by putting on my normal clown make up then vigorously wiping it off to put on a new set of make up and costume at straights quay shopping mall (1 month gig till 1 january)

the make up lady for the straight quay gig loves to put alot alot of foundation camouflage and eyeliner that took me 1 hour to remove(daily) and wasted like half a bottle of baby oil and 10 wet tissues of mine!!

it lead to an interesting question- all u ladies who make up everyday, dont u find ur eyelids and face super painful and tired with so much make up removing??????

its only been 5 days and i think my face is breaking apart d!

hi, this is my MIMING make up for 1st Avenue shopping mall opening..boy was it hard to do miming as i loved to talk and suddenly i had to be mute! haha

my original make up which i prefer. i still wear this face outside of Straight Quay gigs..dont worry, i' m still good old Creampuff. oh, i'm holding a springy cartoon snake which i just made!

manage to get a shot with Malaysian comedian and actor Harikh Iskandar! boy was he funny at the Intel Kulim Family day!

now this is my Candy Clown make up and costume. check out the amount of waterproof liquid eyeliner she used on my eyelids and face! i imagine a dog stepped unto my face and left its colourful paw mark! haha

love this animated shot of how Mr Susan on stilts is trying to scare me. lovely Christmas tree background @ Straight Quay

finally the entire cast of magical creatures- candy clown (me), candy fairy (green), candy floss (pink) , candy sweet (red) cupcake(white-pink), juggler( polka dots) Chewing Gum ball ( flower head) and our designer in white...the make up looks scary to kids dontcha think?

Ah...that is what i've been doing daily..putting on make up, making balloons, talking nonsense, laughing loudly and removing make up. i can even joke n talk to the kid while thinking of other things. its like become automatic! 

So many masks to put on daily...still u know which face i love the most?

this one..original face =)

hahaha..seriously tired and my body is aching like a 100 year old granny! cant wait to go home 6th december..sighh...how nice it would be to be home relaxing and doing nothing..but no money would be coming in then...money is so easy to spend and so hard to use...i'm a slave to globalization! haha

Saturday Scream Queen: Molly Ringwald

Molly Ringwald is a talented actress with more of a talent for crying than screaming. She was at the height of her fame and acting career when she starred in the 1980s classic teen romantic comedies "The Breakfast Club", "Pretty in Pink", and "Sixteen Candles". She struggled to make a successful transition into adult roles, but she eventually managed to get her acting feet back under her and currently stars in the ensemble series "The Secret Life of the American Teenager".

Along the way, she made several thrillers and a couple of horror films in which she was the best thing they had going for them. She starred in the Australian slasher flick "Cut"; the black comedy "Office Killer", the thrillers "Teaching Miss Tingle", "Malicious", and "Requiem for a Murder"; and the first television mini-series based on Stephen King's "The Stand".

Ringwald's only announced current project is "The Secret Life of the American Teenager", but hopefully she will return to horror films and thrillers soon, because she was the only decent thing about several of the ones she appeared in.

'Cut' doesn't make the grade

Cut (2000)
Starring: Molly Ringwald, Frank Roberts, and Kylie Minogue
Director: Kimble Rendall
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Scream Queen and TV actress Venassa Turnbull (Ringwald) returns to finish a slasher flick that saw production stop after one of the actors went nuts and murdered the director and tried to kill her. As the new crew of film-students (including one played by pop star Kylie Minogue) looking to make a name for themselves start production in an isolated area on the outskirts of one of Australia's big cities, someone dressed in the costume of the film's burn-scarred mad killer starts butchering them, one by one.

If most of that summary sounds familiar to you, then that's because there's nothing new that this film brings to the table--other than having Ringwald in a rather amusing role as an actress whose demands and ego outstrips her starpower. What's worse, the film, probably in an effort to offer what the script writer felt was deep and insightful commentary, presents us with the rather foolish notion that the film and all its prints are cursed--whenever they're screened, the shears-wielding killer manifests himself in the real world, brought forth by all the "creative energy" put into making the film. Why are the prints cursed? Who knows? The film doesn't bother to provide an explanation that seems credible. Maybe the filmmakers were trying to be satirical--Ringwald's character and some of what the film crew do get up to some funny stuff--but whatever their intent, it's obscured by a script that's bad in just about every way.

While refreshingly light on "stupid character syndrome," and filled with a cast of attractive and talented Australian actors and actresses, not to mention plenty of gore and the always enjoyable Ringwald, the script is both so tired AND ludicrous that "Cut" is a must-miss unless you're a hardest of hardcore slasher flick fans.





(I saw a reference somewhere that this film was planned as the first of a trilogy ala "Scream." Since it's been ten years since "Cut" was released, it's safe to assume that it didn't make a enough money to warrant a follow-up. That's a shame, because there are far worse movies that have spawned sequels.)

'Dream Stalker' is not worth losing sleep over

Dream Stalker (1998)
Starring: Valerie Williams (aka Diane Cardea), Mark Dias, John Tyler, and Pamela Hong
Director: Alan Smithee
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

As Brittany (Williams) tries to move on following the accidental death of her violent and domineering boyfriend (Dias), he reaches out from beyond the veil of death to make sure that if he can't live with her than no one will.
 

"Dream Stalker" deals with the ultimate possessive boyfriend... one whose domineering ways isn't even stopped by death. It is fairly good when compared to other ultra-low budget horror flicks shot on video. The acting is slightly better than average, the camera work is mostly okay, and what effects and make-up it features aren't bad either. The pacing is mostly pretty good, and, although the script could have done with another draft or two to make the dialogue a little better, there aren't too many characters behaving stupidly or illogically due to plot dictates.

That said, the film is marred by some of the worst sound work I've ever witnessed. In several scenes, the dialogue is drowned out almost completely by background noise, as if the crew was using microphones on their video cameras instead of mikes on the actors or booms. It's certainly obvious that the filmmakers never heard of the concept of tracking/rerecording dialogue in post-production.

Even with that annoying techincal flaw, "Dream Stalker" might have earned Four or Five Stars if the last quarter of so of the story hadn't started to fall apart when it should have been building to its climax; it was almost as if the writer or director traded in story for wild hacking and slashing.





Trivia: Alan Smithee is the name a director puts on a film when he wants to disavow himself from it. Someone didn't like the way "Dream Stalker" turned out so he or she is probably thrilled the film will probably never make the transition to DVD!

'The Reptile' is Hammer at its most gothic

The Reptile (1966)
Starring: David Baron, Jennifer Daniel, Noel Williams, Jacqueline Pearce, and Michael Ripper
Director: John Gilling
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

A retired military officer and his wife (Baron and Daniel) inherit a cottage in a small Cornish village after his brother dies under mysterious circumstances. When he moves there with his wife (Daniel), he discovers that there has been a rash of deaths and that all of them can be attributed to a rare poisonous animal found only in far-away India. The obvious perpetrator behind these dastardly deeds is the reclusive doctor of theology (Williams) who has made a career out of studying obscure religions in the Far East and who keeps his daughter a virtual prisoner in their manor house. But throw in a mysterious swarthy fellow, the daughter’s strangely hypnotic effect on her father when she plays the sitar, and things are a little less clear. Will the newly arrived couple’s only ally in the area (Ripper) help them stop the spreading evil before it consumes them all?

“The Reptile” is the most strongly gothic-in-genre of all the Hammer horror flicks. There’s the ogre-like father and the oppressed daughter; there’s the mysterious Outsiders who are bringing a corrupting influence to wholesome British society, and there are curses and victims and victimizers who may not be what they seem. It’s a well-mounted film that contains several moments of genuine chills.

“The Reptile” would have gotten an 8-Star rating if not for the inexplicable over-acting displayed by all the principles in the first half of the movie; inexplicable because the leads in the film director John Gilling helmed immediately prior to this one (“Plague of the Zombies", which even used many of the same sets) was blessed with beautifully restrained performances that made the film even creepier and more believable. It’s even odder because Michael Ripper gives the same type of understated performance he did in “Plague.”)

As the film evolves, the over-blown performances start to fit with the tenor of the going-ons, but they seem so out of place early in the film that it’s an irritant. The movie’s resolution is also a bit weak, with the title creature going down without much of a fight. The combination of the overacting in the first reel and the shaky climax were enough to knock off a Star. Still, it’s an entertaining film if you enjoy Hammer-style movies or gothic tales.

Post Exam FREEH-DROMMM...

last uni exam paper EVER in my life

i'm shouting in my head!!

OMG OMG!! its finally become a reality, i'm OVER with UNI LIFE

its seems so surreal i couldnt feel happy yesterday. i was tired and reality hasnt really sunked in yet.

Inside the exam hall i finnished super early, partly cause i'm too dumb to answer the super hard questions is didnt study hard enough for..

anyways, as i was looking around all the ppl with frowning eye brows and scratching their heads and fidgiting, i realise these are the same bunch that has been thru 3.5 years of hell with me thru TESOL life..then i felt bittersweet memories flooding back. for the first time i felt sad to have to leave a place i felt safe and i had taken SO LONG to accustomed to..

i remember the 1st day i stayed in USM hostel i cursed the hell outta the uni cause it was horrible, lonely and the weather could roast me alive!!..its no longer horrible but the moment i start to get adjusted to this lifestyle i have to move on again and again...kinda not fair huh?

i took a deep breath of uni air, paid the library one last visit and felt at peace with myself. i survived my uni life, no suicidal actions and no mental hospital cases. it wasnt so bad huh? thank God for course mates, hommies, pka frens, church and family. could never do it without them!

 moving on to happier things, see what i did AFTER exams, we went to splurge on Canton-i (pricey Hk restaurant) for (breakfast+lunch), shopping for working teaching shoes (2 days in a row) and i tried on a ridiculous candy clown costume for my 1 month gig @ newly opened shopping mall called Straits Quay!

welcome to mini Hk! i'm sandra ur host for today..

this super fantastic tea comes in a flower bud then it blossoms in hot water into this! AWESOME!

crazy py eating wan ton mee soup

honey pork glazed wan ton mee

piggy eating pork. my oh my. contradicting

this is only a snack lah she says. most expensive mee in the world! haha

this is a tribute i took to BUNNY natsumi! spotted the ears in watson and i knew i had to take it for u! matches my shirt!

this is the ridiculous hot and itchy costume suit i have to wear for 1 month gig @ SQ. will take photos with make up later on

shoes i slurged on before exams..

hahaha.buan is going to kill me if he finds out..

but they are for a good cause- practical TEACHING in school next January!

a mini collection of my ever growing shoe collecting. tons of pumps in hiding...ehehe

And with every beginning there must be an ending..
with a heavy heart i say goodbye to my student life.
this is the moment i was waiting for ever since i enrolled in the uni..
when it came true..it didn't feel so grand after all..
anyways, no time for tears of regret.

But still i have to go clowning, earn money, make bf happy, there is plenty of shopping to do and christmas is around the corner! LIFE GOES ON FOLKS =)
thank u for reading and supporting me thru all these student years dear blog readers!

goodbye faithful school bag with cow..its been a good 3.5 years of classes and lectures!

Happy Birthday, Mr. Karloff

In celebration of Boris Karloff's birthday, I present a review of one of last great screen appearances. For more reviews of films featuring this great actor, visit The Boris Karloff Collection.

Targets (1968)
Starring: Boris Karloff, Tim O'Kelly, Nancy Hsueh and Peter Bogdanovich
Director: Peter Bogdanovich
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

As aging horror movie star Byron Orlok (Karloff) prepares to announce his retirement, a seemingly average young man, Bobby (O'Kelly), embarks on a killing spree. The creator of make-believe monsters and the real-life monster come face to face when Bobby's day of terror culminates with a sniper rampage at the drive-in where Orlok is making his final public appearance.

In "Targets", Bogdanovich expertly interweaves two storylines that only really connect in a single scene at the film's climax. In the process, he manages to build a tremendous amount of tension, because we come to like and care about Orlock, his secretary (Hsueh), and the young writer/director (Bogdanovich) who is trying to convince him to make at least one last movie--his movie. The audience can see that these three characters are going to walk head-long into Bobby's gun-sights, and Bogdanovich establishes that he is a good shot.

Although the entire film is perfectly paced, well-acted--with Karloff in particular shining, despite his health being poor at the time--and looks far better than the shoe-string budget it was shot on should allow, it's the scene where the two stories finally completely merge, with Orlok and Bobby confronting each other that really makes the movie for me.

This is a film that's definately worth seeing for fans for suspense and horror movies and admirers of Boris Karloff. It's the last good movie in Karloff's career and like so many of his films it holds up spectacularly well.

As I make this post, "Targets" is officially unavailable commercially. A few copies may still be had at retailers and you want to make sure you get the "Paramount Widescreen Collection" DVD version of the film. That disc includes an interview with Bogdanovich. It gives some fascinating insights into how the movie came to be. It's a very different film than it started out as--a throw-away Roger Corman production made to fulfill Karloff's contractual obligations to the producer--and it's a story that illustrates that pure business decisions can sometimes lead to great art, even on shoe-string budgets and tight shooting schedules.

'Devil Hunter Yohko' is weakened by too much sexual content

Devil Hunter Yohko, Episode One (1991)
Director: Katsuhisa Yamada
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

In "Devil Hunter Yohko," a typical (well, typical for late 80s/early 90s Japanese cartoons) 16-year-old girl discovers that her birthright and duty is to assume the role of "devil hunter" and turn back an impending demonic invasion of Earth.

"Devil Hunter Yohko" is an early 1990s direct-to-video animated series from Japan. There are some glimmers of cool ideas in the 45-minute first episode, but they are overwhelmed by a crass, hypersexual attitude that runs through the story. The episode starts with Yohko waking up from a prophetic wet dream, and it continues through her friends being corrupted by "lust demons" who want to make sure she loses her virginity before she awakens to her devil hunter powers--because they only manifest if the girl is pure in mind and body. That stuff is sort of tasteless and leads to a softcore cartoon porn scene between a couple of teenaged characters--one of them possessed by a demon--but the show is very crass and tasteless in its portrayal of Yohko's mother who seems to want to see her daughter sleep with any available male... doesn't care who, so long as Yohko is spreading her legs.

Although I imagine that this series would be highly placed on any Top Ten Anime Series list compiled by Gary Glitter or Roman Polanski.

I am not a prude, but the sexual references and themes in the first episode of "Devil Hunter Yohko" were just too tasteless for me. I understand the series gets better, so I may give the next installment a try.

Restaurant Review + funny things i saw/ did

Hi pepz! watcha all doing?
i'm suppose to be studying...but i was busy working and doing rubbish during the weekend. bet all my coursemates are like 1million times smarter by now..

every second i spend typing this blog, their brain neurons get compress with more and more knowledge of Sch Admin which i detest as the notes are in english-bm and exams can only choose 1 language. U think we're translators ah lecturer?!

 Moving on...

Buan brought me to this restaurant called NIPPON YATAIMURA for japanese food on Fri. loved it but it was kinda pricey tho..but i think its worth it as u know how much he CAN EAT! hahaha..

Here we are, sitting in the restaurant wearing short pants and looking very poor..the waitress was not very friendly

some fried chicken thingy

some bento set with garlic fried rice i likey!

he looks so big and the bento set looks so small eh?

i'm so hungry i cant smile properly!

a portion of what we ate..too lazy to snap the other orders

the rotating sushi belt was POKEMON all the way...ahaha

i especially liked the Salmon skin deep fried!

Salty and crunchy!

tissue was too nice to be used so i brought the raccoon home..

One happy full satisfied sandra!

Now for some random pics of what i took over the weekend..

this is jess. no she is not random. she's holding a very weird contraption at some china shop..

another weird but useful thingy that beeps quite loudly if u fall asleep. good for long distant drive alone.

mother of all laughs. ITs a ANTI LADY KILLER ! when i read i was like WHAT:? its actually an alarm..but the name is so stupidly hilarious!

wonder what i'm doing with so much net?

i was given the job to string the rope into every hole by Buan..and it took a DAMN LONG time and my eyes were burning..

it was 100 yards altogether..after 1 hour i gave up and went to sleep..

after show at Hydro hotel i went shopping in clown face and costume with Dawn..the stares from public made us feel very funny indeed! haha

we went to kakacau Mr Susan as well who was performing at Gurney!

lastly, i'm so PROUD to be on the cover of Birthday Castle event company's MAIN flyer!! wohoo!! talk about being clown famous!

Thats all from me today..

my legs are aching from the clown game i call- "mcdonald, kfc, pizza hut".. i shall record it one day to show u how to sing with actions! hahaha..for now..i'll hit the sack!