week 7- monster kids deserve more

Yes the teaching profession will either MAKE u or BREAK u. nothing much inbetween.

there is so much to it. there is so much pain , tears, sickness, stress and sadness. but there is also hope, laughter, touching moments and gratitude.
i have cried, sighed, fallen ill and laughed and cried all over again. nobody can really understand what teachers go thru unless u have taught a bunch of monsters urself.

let me share an except from my fb lament yesterday & today morning:

YESTERDAY: 

My bloodpressure shot right thru the roof! 

While teaching my monsters were group fighting with next class, 1kid rocked fell down n broke a chair, the malay dude spit all over the indian girl's table n face, another boy was crying cause his fren poked him with a jangka lukis, another kid kept going out to look at chickens and another one singing karaoke n pulling the girl's tudung another fella stealing frens stationary n shouting. Rest of them either destroying furniture, sleeping or fighting. 

ArgHH!!!!!#@*%%+**

TODAY:

Hebat news of the day : masuk puasatime monsters become worst
1. Form4 girl hits n rips off form2 girl tudung throw into drain n pulls her ear.
2. Form 2 girl runs away from house cause parents lock her in for sleeping around.
3. Form 5boys like grand thef auto operation steal people's car tyres at night n sells em. All 4 of them.
4. Bunch of boys follow hated teacher home n destroys gate.
5. Go around stealing ppl cows n goats middle of the night to sell during raya time.
It's amazing how teachers here r still alive.

this does not include the many times they tried to steal stuff like stationary from my bag while i turned away or rudely call me as Sandra eh sandra amoi mari sini! nor does it erase of all the horror stories i've heard from senior teachers about the crime rate, violence level and disappointment mostly.

But as i was talking to abel i realised something. i couldnt stand n run now. i've given them a spark of hope. everyone has been disappointing them so all in return they only know how to return disappointment. In teaching i have been thinking more like an adult, making wiser decisions, being more serious in conversation and thought. it has sparked my intellectual part of myself i never knew i once had. i like the feeling of being in control of my mind n thoughts for the first time in my life not everything is a mush or a blur.

I HAVE NEVER WORKED SO HARD in my 25 YEARS OF LIVING.
i sometimes think whether i'm enjoying it or going plain mad due to abnormal stress.

UNENDING paperwork that i hate to do in sch

paperwork has to be brought home on weekends to continue due to sloppy previous teacher's work i redo everything!

precious sight i will treasure most. Grandma helped me cut out worksheets for pbs. very touched. i love u!

Today i saw a senior teacher with 20 years under her belt CRY in the toilet cause of too much work pressure n rudeness of students. i'm looking into the toilet mirror n asking myself what if 20 years down the line i crack n break under pressure??

A little voice inside me said : i may be weak but in my weakness my God is strong. hence i will BE strong. i will fight all this. all the emo and physical pain n heartache. i go to sch so early and leave LAST in the staff room. i labour on eventho feeling v hungry n tired because i cannot see sloppy work or be unprepared for lessons or leave paperwork to the last minute.

i created this to remind myself WHY i fight so hard its because once upon a time somebody gave me a second chance in my life.

 i will fight for what i think is right at the moment. body mind n soul i will push.

 please dont let me regret...

The report of my new life as a paddy farmer.

hi dear readers

by now many would have known or guess that my short break from Penang to Melacca was to go for the teaching posting.

yea yea some will say that i was so damn against it so why suddenly change mind n go?!! siao ki liao?!

answer is simple just to please my parents. i do love them very much n especially after so much conflict n unresolved anger i gave in n went for "probation" teaching period. meaning i can leave whenever i please.

 i exchanged sacrificed my good life in penang, the people i love, the food and my awesome job n freedom to come to this goddamn paddy field to rot n die.

dont worry i plan to leave asap when my first paycheck comes in (unless i fall in love with teaching which is unlikely as a cow would wear a green polka dot dress.)

the scenery i see everyday to and fro work. paddy n more paddy.

wore this first day of work

wore this second day of work.

TOP THINGS I HATE ABOUT THIS PLACE :

1.The people here both teachers n students are fucking racists. they act like chinese people eat pork n have this infectious disease that can spread thru looking at them in the eyes. NOBODY wants to be my fren or lend me reference books to read. not even the students wanna have conversation with me and give me the weird look. wth man. this is malaysia and the sch is 99.9% malay students 0.01% indians and ZERO chinese.

2.Mentality of 90% teachers n students n makcik canteen all came from caveman period where wearing office wear with skirt over knee length is frowned upon n all of them STARING and COMMENTING at me like i walk around naked n dancing. (just because the rest cover up like penguins doesnt mean i need to change my name to siti sandra n follow). My head panitia doesnt give a hoot about me and has this pelik character of her own. (no wonder her name is still MISS in the front)

3. this is my pathetic looking table crawling with swarms of ants. u cant see them as my camera lousy cannot macro in on them. they crawl over my books, bags, my hands, my baju n when i lie down to nap they crawl over my face. damn it so irritating! the other teachers are immune to bugs so they never complain they consider these army of ants invisible n continue eating n laughing like normal.

4. I was assigned to sit right below this faulty air con unit n water drips on my left arm every 30 minutes o so. imagine sitting underneath this crappy shit n getting watered automatically like some lab plant. this seat is also VERY HOT n stuffy as i'm in the most corner exiled part of the staffroom cramped with 100 teachers. hot + air con dripping n ants is a horrible working condition.

5. There are monkeys living in the trees of the teachers open carpark. apparently they scratch ur car n steal ur mirrors cause they like shinny stuff. the amount of bug level is high not surprisingly cause left n right is forest n the SIZE OF LIZARD is like godzilla!! not to mention numerous chickens n ducks all over sch. they walk around freely making u feel like ur driving into a pasar cum zoo more than a sch.

6. I have no idea why the admin department can be so freaking lazy its already the 2nd week n nobody is working on the timetable so i have no classes at all. so i sit at my sit mostly online with my hp or staring at the ants crossing my table. try doing that daily for 8 hours see u go insane o not!! dah lah nobody wanna talk to me or be my fren i have nothing to do n feel like a complete waste of my life! I HATE IT SO MUCH i almost cried in frustration today morning.

7. The discipline level is low. stupidity level is high. the boys especially are uncontrollable wild just like the monkeys in the carpark. they wolf whistle n call me amoi when i walk pass. i just give them the DEATH STARE. today i asked a form 3 kid what time is it and the guy said "teacher i tak paham apa u cakap". this is the part i feel like slapping myself with my shoes. many are illiterate and NO interest whatsoever to study. main aim come to sch is to "cuci mata" look at girls / guys n most of them get married after spm. wtf man?

There is so so soooooooooooo much more i hate about this teaching life.
 the sch n system is all fcuked up and i'm changing into a passive depressed person i never was before. its so scary its only been 3 days but it feels like robbing 3 years of my youth n potential.

sadness n frustration weigh heavily on my shoulders during sch time. i never felt so blue n useless n meaningless in my entire life, worst than uni final exam depression time. u may say i'm exaggerating but when ur caught in a job that sucks ur energy low, full of negativism n no space for talent to grow u would be suicidal like me.

the only way i revenge against all this crap is by eating junkfood, reading comics and conveniently taking naps on my table whenever i want (principal is a potato who doesnt  know his staff names so he doesnt give a hoot abt me) thus making the other teachers BOIL with jealousy n anger cause they have millions of crapwork to do..wakakaka..

the only time i'm happy n blessed is AFTER WORK!!

i have my awesome cousie Su May and aunt who feeds me, talks to me, so generous with love n care i feel like a normal human being again. their house is so awesomeballs!. they have a piano i can play, a fridge stuffed with food, hot water n nice bathroom, flat screen tv with astro! (forgot how long i never just laze n watch tv after uni started)

 the best blessing was they gave me a ROOM OF MY OWN!!

 it comes with huge working table, 3 fans, 1 aircon, 1 personal tv, own dresser +cupboard and new bed set!! i feel like a princess in the room. OMG!! kindness maximus :) love em for their generosity n warmth. after 5 years in uni, living in a proper house makes me feel so human again and i forget whatever sadness i endured at work. :)

ok la. all i need now is my roti pisang + teh tarik, a race with my pink scooter, a warm hug and clowning n exciting events... sigh..bertahan for the following month first then see how. counting down 28 more days to go. God bless all new teachers. from their stories i know they so need it too! haha..

adjective word-" Extreme"

Hi dear readers!!

 i've just gotten back from Sik, Kedah for Astro clowning. Thank God i had Dawn,Kit n a facepainter to go together. it was like 30 minutes from the Thailand border! yes its that freaking far! (and i drove with my bad eyesight!- shin yee drove the way back tho.)

 Anyways, since i'm a trainned teacher i taught i should start a session where i teach u guys new words i find interesting. u could use them to describe/ name things u want in daily life. it gives a variation to the normal boring vocab u use daily.

 u cant keep on commenting in FB - "oh u so NICE, wow what a NICE picture, U look NICE in here, NICE food, NICE place, "..nice nice nice after some time it sounds like mice ate rice! haha! (but today's lesson is nothing close to NICE)

WORD FOR TODAY IS:

"extreme"

Main Entry:	extreme
Part of Speech:	adjective
Definition:	very great
Synonyms:	acute, consummate, high, highest, intense, maximal, maximum, severe, sovereign, supreme, top, ultimate, utmost, uttermost
Antonyms:	limited, mild, moderate

Main Entry:	extreme
Part of Speech:	adjective
Definition:	beyond reason and convention
Synonyms:	absolute, desperate, dire, downright, drastic, egregious, exaggerated, exceptional, excessive, extraordinary, extravagant, fabulous, fanatical, flagrant, gross, harsh, immoderate, improper, imprudent, inordinate, intemperate, irrational, nonsensical, out of proportion, out-and-out, outrageous, overkill, preposterous, rabid, radical, remarkable, rigid, severe, sheer, stern, strict, thorough, unbending, uncommon, uncompromising, unconventional, unreasonable, unseemly, unusual, utter, zealous
Antonyms:	mild, moderate

Ok, i'm preposterously-supremely-utmost TIRED. gonna hit the sack now.

and i leave u with my new Twitter link and a pic of me pushing the Astro Car before show today.*.ngek ngek*

eh, i got super powers! the car is MOVING!! WOHOO!!

Special children

Would u love a handicap child if you saw one in the mall or school or street?

of course the humanly answer would be - "YES!"

BUT would u love one if he/she is YOURS?

this means a lifetime long commitment of caring and giving up ur normal life, sacrificing time, effort, crying tears of frustration and anger, questioning God and fate, suffering financial setbacks of hospital and treatment costs and the list goes on and on...

honestly i never gave it much thought but after visiting this center i salute their parents n volunteers who spend time and pour their lives into these children.

i'm not afraid of children.nonono, i see and interact with hundreds of them in my work.

but special children (its not polite to call them handicap) are a whole new thing..

The very first time my linguistic group went to observe their language skills at EDEN center, i was taken aback. i was quite afraid and tongue locked. 

 Omg omg...questions were running thru my brain, WHAT SHOULD I SAY? WHAT CAN I DO?? WHAT IS OK AND WHAT IS NOT? WHAT ARE THE RULES? they are coming..WHAT SHALL I DO? (like a lost puppy)

they looked so different and screaming with joy and they came rushing towards us saying HELO HELO HELO!!

 what did i do? i HELO-d back and sat down and interacted with them lah! haha

it wasnt so hard after all, yes it was difficult to communicate as some were autistic, celebral palsy, muscular dystrophy and down syndrome. Fyi, these are all conditions when the brain broca area is injured/ underdeveloped so the child cant either walk, talk or move or has low IQ.

 Putting all the negative feelings aside, we 5 girls (me, Cheng ping, Zatil, Ruzaidah and Esther) sat down played and socialised at the same time observed their behaviourism to write in our report.

its been 2 weeks so far, we go 3 times a week and this is our happy pics!!

 So, they are live,eat, play, go school, do physiotherapy at the center and they also have a workshop selling handicrafts for a living (adult category). if u see their logo selling small gifts please support and buy em!

most children are quite good natured and excited to be frens with new comers.

some are more reserved and some like autistic cases keep repeating what they say and forget what u teach the very next minute. some cant even write their own name cause their hands are deformed or involuntarily keep shaking. some are wheelchair bound because their legs are crossed like X and some cant talk audibly because their voice box has not enough muscles. 

Watch the video on top, its a cerebral palsy girl with a epilepsy child doing their physio.

ALL of them are such beautiful children. it saddens me EVERY time i go visit i see their goodness, their pure rich goodness inside but all that is trapped in a shell, in a body that doesn't equal their heart and souls. 

it humbles me to the core. it strikes a cord in my heart.

 i actually almost cried after watching them do physio in person because walking was such an easy thing to me i never tot it would take so much effort for a special child to do so.

if it was a cruel twist of fate, it could have been me at birth diagnosed with a brain disorder. i would have been robbed of my normal childhood, my speaking and talking ability, my ability to bathe, feed and write on my own, i would have been bound to the wheelchair or trapped mentality in a world of confusion not understanding a word ppl are talking to me..i wouldn't have so many friends, i couldn't cycle or swim, couldn't go shopping on my own feet or pick up my favourite toy from the shelf, i wouldn't know how to use a camera, take pics or laugh at jokes.

What would i do if i were that way? What if u were that way? 

i dare not think and suddenly i'm so so so happy n blessed to be a normal person. 

we dont judge on how they look and what they cannot do. we look at what they can do that is love unconditionally. in my eyes, they are more able than we are because they shine from the inside out not outside only.

The teacher at the center said ppl outside are so discontented with their looks complaining how fat, short, pimply, tall, skinny, dark or not beautiful enough. they have no idea how lucky they are to just be perfectly normal. these children would give anything in the world to be normal and the normal ppl are complaining about their perfect bodies. WHAT A SHAME!

 These life lessons are painful to believe n accept because they are so real.
i bet my 4 frens that went with me feel the same way too =)

yes, dont u think we've been a wee bit too self centered n vain at times?

to hell with it lah!

this friday marks hell day

u know why?

its time for pgt 202e paper.

its a paper where i need to do this horrible terrible vegetable thingy called MATHS.

very hard and mind numbing one somemore (in my specific case la)

i think my baby brain got squashed on the counting-number-cognotive part when the doctor pulled my pewny brain with his big ape arms.

so, the consequence is i CANNOT, never do anything with maths eversince young. its a mental problem i know but its unsolvable and i refuse to solve it lah.

buduh, siapa suruh paksa guru Inggeris pakai nombor? skg computer key in semua automatic d lah.

Bodoh Bodoh Bodoh.

 i'm SO SO FRUSTRATED

and ANGRY!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

*fire spewing from nostrils and ears*

for the first time i have given up BEFORE the paper even begins.

for the first time i really am HELPLESS on how to do it.

why?

i have 2 phobias in life

i dont fear ghosts, the dark or creepy crawlies

instead, i'm claustrophobic and MATHSphobic

so, the best solution in the world:

" hell papers "

send them back to where they belong

mai, tolong i bakar sama sama-------

::Exam paper::

Recently my youngest bro Samuel wrote this essays for his midterm test entitled

" A school trip"

bear in mind he is a 14 year old avarage kid with a witty mind and sharp tongue just like mine.

yet in all my 14 years of schooling, i NEVER gotten near his essay marks for english.. FULL MARKS for a single ESSAY?!! i rubbed my eyes in disbelief!!

page 1

page 2

page 3

is the standart of english in the country going down the drain or is my bro that good and i'm just green with envy? see 4 urself! ( the pics are grainy blur cause my hp camera suxs!)