week 7- monster kids deserve more

Yes the teaching profession will either MAKE u or BREAK u. nothing much inbetween.

there is so much to it. there is so much pain , tears, sickness, stress and sadness. but there is also hope, laughter, touching moments and gratitude.
i have cried, sighed, fallen ill and laughed and cried all over again. nobody can really understand what teachers go thru unless u have taught a bunch of monsters urself.

let me share an except from my fb lament yesterday & today morning:

YESTERDAY: 

My bloodpressure shot right thru the roof! 

While teaching my monsters were group fighting with next class, 1kid rocked fell down n broke a chair, the malay dude spit all over the indian girl's table n face, another boy was crying cause his fren poked him with a jangka lukis, another kid kept going out to look at chickens and another one singing karaoke n pulling the girl's tudung another fella stealing frens stationary n shouting. Rest of them either destroying furniture, sleeping or fighting. 

ArgHH!!!!!#@*%%+**

TODAY:

Hebat news of the day : masuk puasatime monsters become worst
1. Form4 girl hits n rips off form2 girl tudung throw into drain n pulls her ear.
2. Form 2 girl runs away from house cause parents lock her in for sleeping around.
3. Form 5boys like grand thef auto operation steal people's car tyres at night n sells em. All 4 of them.
4. Bunch of boys follow hated teacher home n destroys gate.
5. Go around stealing ppl cows n goats middle of the night to sell during raya time.
It's amazing how teachers here r still alive.

this does not include the many times they tried to steal stuff like stationary from my bag while i turned away or rudely call me as Sandra eh sandra amoi mari sini! nor does it erase of all the horror stories i've heard from senior teachers about the crime rate, violence level and disappointment mostly.

But as i was talking to abel i realised something. i couldnt stand n run now. i've given them a spark of hope. everyone has been disappointing them so all in return they only know how to return disappointment. In teaching i have been thinking more like an adult, making wiser decisions, being more serious in conversation and thought. it has sparked my intellectual part of myself i never knew i once had. i like the feeling of being in control of my mind n thoughts for the first time in my life not everything is a mush or a blur.

I HAVE NEVER WORKED SO HARD in my 25 YEARS OF LIVING.
i sometimes think whether i'm enjoying it or going plain mad due to abnormal stress.

UNENDING paperwork that i hate to do in sch

paperwork has to be brought home on weekends to continue due to sloppy previous teacher's work i redo everything!

precious sight i will treasure most. Grandma helped me cut out worksheets for pbs. very touched. i love u!

Today i saw a senior teacher with 20 years under her belt CRY in the toilet cause of too much work pressure n rudeness of students. i'm looking into the toilet mirror n asking myself what if 20 years down the line i crack n break under pressure??

A little voice inside me said : i may be weak but in my weakness my God is strong. hence i will BE strong. i will fight all this. all the emo and physical pain n heartache. i go to sch so early and leave LAST in the staff room. i labour on eventho feeling v hungry n tired because i cannot see sloppy work or be unprepared for lessons or leave paperwork to the last minute.

i created this to remind myself WHY i fight so hard its because once upon a time somebody gave me a second chance in my life.

 i will fight for what i think is right at the moment. body mind n soul i will push.

 please dont let me regret...