ALOHA DEAR READERS!!
Oh school.
i hated it in teenage high school
i hate it right now
its not so much the teaching
its more of the extra paperwork n responsiblities they force down ur throat like being teacher of Kelab pencegah jenayah,conducting meetings, taking them out for camps n ceramahs, being ajk kelab staff guru which runs the sch n all programs, being in Pengakap which i have no idea what it does, kelab english and going for endless meetings endless paperwork to sign n fill
oh did i mention?
form 1 kids now no more exams no more PMR or SPM.
they are assessment based like the ones u see in American schs.
they got show and tell, teacher evaluate them thru behaviour, overall speaking n cooperation and exercises throughout the year.
PLEASE LAH NO EXAM U THINK U WOULD HAVE STUDIED?!
this system is FLAWED and it will create MORE IDIOTS in the country (not like there isnt abundant supply of them already)
So it comes back to the question:
THEM OR ME?
deep down in my heart i do love my kids. its SOOO hard to love the little monsters but they are sooooooo lacking, so lost and no normal teacher seems to care to improve the level of english in this paddy field sch. I feel obligated to help them, to just make a wee bit difference!
who cares u cant score in exam test or public examinations. i want them to be able to grow up n speak BASIC conversational english that could be useful in life. To be able to say in times of asking for help " excuse me, can i......and followed by a thank u" or being smart enough to order food at a restaurant like McD or shopping malls or giving basic instructions like "turn left and walk straight" or go to the bank and say "i would like to open an account under my father's name and here is the money" or to be able to count and understand maths in english so that one day no conman will come n steal all their money away.
ENGLISH IS IMPORTANT and ENGLISH WILL BRING U SOMEPLACE SOMEDAY.
that is the msg i want to get across. since they are still young there is hope. but am i the person to give them such hope?
in my naive-ness i said these words in my 1st class " Jangan risau english itu susah, teacher janji by the end of the year u all will be able to speak English sikit sikit". They nodded their heads in unison and i woke up n asked myself wth did i just say and what if i couldnt keep to my promise? oh god..why do i allow them to creep into my soul n find a soft spot?
On the other hand i've been having ulcers n fever continuously for 3 weeks n seen multiple doctors eaten multiple antibiotics. i 'm insomiac and panicky all the time. i've lost my appetite, my passion to live and i want to die all the time. this morning my nose bleed the moment i woke up. terkejut die me. So negative point would be the stress is eating me up n my health is failing fast :(
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| Astro Xiao tai yang show - strawberry jie jie and watermelon gege |
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| my fav stall in gurney drive ! the fried chicken skin is DA BOMB! |
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| abel with his nonsensical facial expression ! |
on the other hand i think about my own wonderful life in penang..
there is my awesome job, there is HIM and there is so much freedom so much happiness just waiting for me.
the job i'm so passionate about. the guy i love and all the wonderful food i can eat and all the exciting events i wanna be in!
all i need to do is to give up one and return to the island.
but that soft spot in my soul cannot release the guilt.
my oh my..i've been praying for the wisest decision but why cant i get an answer?
Maybe dear reader u could help me pray along?
my mind thinks about choice A or choice B all the time..to stay is to kill myself for the sake of others and to leave is to save myself n kill my students future.
decisions decisons..oh bother!
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