Teaching update week 6- My kids got gf/bf!

HI DEAR READERS!

the reason i can even survive each sch day and be sane  is because of all the people who constantly love me and support and pray for me :)

Q: Good morning and how do you do?

A: Good morning. I am fine thank you.

(the simple sentences above took me hours to drill into my kids brains to remember. it came out in the test n they didnt know what to write! 13 year olds can u imagine..sigh!)

see the 2 small kids next to me? they are both in form 1 and i'm their English teacher. this was taken during Canteen Day where we put up stalls to sell stuff for our respective clubs. Mine was Kelab Pencegah Jenayah and i'm president teacher in charge. In a million years i never tot i would ever join this club what more LEAD it! hahahahaa..

Anyways back to the story of the kids above. can u believe it that 80% of my class boys are so small they come up to my shoulder height only n they look like 9 year olds with uncombed hair and unironed shirts to sch and yet MOST OF THEM HAVE GIRLFRENS!! omg OMG!! what in the world is happening these days!

conversation went like this:-

Sandra: *jokingly poking the shorter kid- So u ada awek chun tak?

Shorter boy: Takde la cikgu. ehehehe

Taller boy: Jangan tipu cikgu la..mengaku saja lah! ada cakap ade..ape la u ni..

Shorter boy: hehee ya saya ada gf la cikgu

Sandra: *so freaking suprised - so dia tu kelas apa? form 1 jugak?!!

Shorter boy: Ya cikgu ..dalam kelas kita lah. dia duduk belakang. cikgu tak nampak dia ke?

Sandra: Semua orang dalam kelas ada pakwe makwe (boyfren/ girlfren) skg ke??

Taller boy: Ya cikgu. yang bodoh pun ada couple. cikgu Sandra jangan cakap dengan cikgu lain okok?

Sandra: So bila dating pergi buat apa? pergi sekumpulan atau seorang saja? dosa tau!

Shorter boy: cikgu relax la..kita pergi karaoke, tengok wayang, berbasikal, main depan rumah, makan kat kantin, pergi tepi pantai. dengan kawan kawan lain tak seorang la cikgu!

Sandra: nasib baik u pandai kan. u ni semua kecik kecik dah main cinta. sikat rambut pun tidak. *laughing in my heart

Shorter boy: Cikgu saya handsem semua perempuan pun nakkan saya. tak boleh nafikan (cannot be denied). Cikgu pun setuju kan? ;P

Sandra : HAHAHAHAAHAHA! pandai u cakap kan..bila kelas english kita speaking banyak banyak ok?!

on a more serious note, after several classes with my kids. both form 1 and form 2 kids of mine are SOOOOOOOOOOOOO poor in language many of they cant spell, fill in the blanks what more string simple sentences together. what would this mean to their future? omg. i lose sleep thinking of ways to teach them, thinking of easier n more effective lesson plans, how to make them sit n listen n behave, what am i doing wrong? what can i do better? why cant i get through them? why do i even care? why am i still here?

 i think about them so much when i'm driving to work, eating breakfast, lunch and sometimes afterwork! wth is happening. its becoming nightmarish. its stressing me out! i cannot erase it from my system!
 i use to tease my bf saying he was married to his work seems like that disease has caught unto me. i'm bringing work baggage home daily. in my head! and its TORTURE!

Screaming, fighting, shouting, doing paperwork, preparing for lessons and going into class knowing NOBODY is listening is VERY DEMOTIVATING. i try the hard way, the nice way, the neutral dont care way. I use colours, teaching aids, laptop and movie and songs, i bring funny things into class, i tell animated explanations and examples, i draw cartoons. ALL WAYS DONT WORK. they are just disinterested in English. its a mental block put there by the people around them, the environment. its so frustrating!

There is heavy politics within the teachers and so much negativity coming from them. they fight n bitch among themselves so much. they have groups n i'm usually an outcast but its nice to sit on the fence but sometimes it gets lonely no fren in sch... i go to sch singing happily n come home feeling i got sucked dry of energy.

there is so much pressure from my seniors

so much pressure i put unto myself

i  confess i feel soooo burdened, i'm constantly falling sick n i feel i'm fighting a loosing battle. why is teaching so hard? Its not like just teaching in class (which is GIANT KILLER TASK already), there is so much extra curriculum activities, sports, entertaining, rubbish paperwork, learning to not step into work politics n get burned, and extra duties to carry !!!

Parents who have 3 kids complain like mad they dont know how to control their teenagers and how to talk to them. well imagine me- I HAVE 200 KIDS and all of them are ROARING WITH HORMONES ready to march around the sch, pour kerosene and burn it down if it was legal. HOW AM I SINGLEHANDEDLY going to face all this?!

Lord, i've come to a realization.

i cannot keep asking for things to get better,

i need to pray for MORE STRENGTH, MORE WISDOM, MORE COURAGE and PATIENCE so i can stand up to it and OVERCOME it instead of looking at it negatively and feeling sooooooo freaking depressed day in day out.

I must try. i must fight . and i will try so hard before i make a final decision. i wont give up on them yet. i wont give up on me. Amen.