Teacher S can finally think now

When i was little i went to sunday school church on Sundays.

i recall the teacher said: Jesus is your friend, your strength and provider.

as i grew older i challenged many things God has said,

i went against his laws and have paid a hefty price for some of my sins.

still i feel like a rebellious teen still not wanting to fully trust that God will hear every prayer and always forgetting to ask help from him and rather ask worldly people first.

If i remember correctly, all i ever wanted was to be an air hostess, or a PR representative in a cooperate firm, i swore off poverty and shame in my adult life.

 i wanted fame, money and fancy branded things to make me happy,

i wanted to be beautiful and loved by friends and have many admirers,

i thought i was invincible and lived life recklessly until a near death experience shook me up,

 i thought my princess pampered ways would get me ANYTHING and everything but my hurtful breakup slapped me into reality, 

 i have thought many, too many silly things.

 now i know we can never do the things we really like, in situations like now, we must learn to like the things we do.

I'm reminded i'm never alone. i want to trust that there is a PURPOSE and REASON i'm in this sch. there is a REASON why i didnt become a lawyer or air hostess after form 6 or didnnt get Universities near to my house instead USM. there is a REASON of all people i am a teacher and i'm placed in this particular sch.

Let all glory be His at the end of the day 

now my conscience is clear. i know what i'm doing. i'm a teacher. 

i Sandra will survive this humbling experience of trainee. 

i will complain and falter but i will not change my mind. this is my calling, whether i like it or not at the moment.