from subway into paddyway :(

Look at the picture above. WOW rite? u know this place u say..

when ppl see this particular historical city all that comes to mind is the famous chicken rice balls, durian cendul, lok lok, river cruise, jonker walk n nadaje cake.

But hardly anybody knows or even thought that the same city also has scenery like:

yes its a freaking paddy field!

more paddy field by the roadside

Honestly i became speechless after the long drive up( 1.5h) from my hometown, the super many traffic lights (each like 150 seconds each! omg) and then i pulled up to the destination, got registered, heard what the boss had to say and then i went into shutdown. like brain n body total shutdown...numb n emotionless. 

the facts, figures, time, and information went thru my ears, melted thru my brains n unto the floor..

all i heard was my mother and aunty busy commenting on how good how lucky..money this money that...wait i couldn't understand a word, everything was a buzz...my mind went into blankness.

 and i kept pinching myself to wake myself up from this bad dream.

 this trap i walked into like a mouse lured into the cage filled with cheese only to die at the end of it... 

i know i have my lovely cousin may n her family supporting me there. travelling period from her house only 30 mins max n my parents r at the most excited stage i have ever seen them. but i just felt like a rock sinking to the bottom of the ocean. 

as i just stood there speechless looking at everything feeling so bleak n weak, trying to think how to survive the days to come... :(

i took and edited this one thats why it looks so bright n cherry.

picture credits go towards the sch blog. wow they even have a blog. must be very modern sch la.

oh look at all the kids. look like so much fun rite?
the first boy i saw today winked at me and he was only like 13 i think..wth?!

meet the boss on the left

.

  I know my other batch-mates have it harder, cruel n dumped  into rural areas, forests, pig farms, chinese new villages, riversides and i'm considered among the luckiest but why do i feel like an idiot at this point?
the fear pumping in my heart beats so loud it resonates thru the walls..
I'm not a weakling i tell myself, i've survived n worked independently for 5 years alone in penang but why am i so afraid of this minor setback?
omg what have i done?!! pop the bubble of comfort in the city, away from the best job in the world n darling only to fall face front into ***.

oh i cant think...its all a blank now..just blank..blank...god bless me.